Oh God, I’d promissed myself I wouldn’t because scales drive me insane and make me make the most horrible decisions for my health …. SO WHY THE HELL AM I SO TEMPTED TO BUY ONE ?! … Help ?
Somewhere along the lines everybody stopped caring.
Look at all of you around me. So over-joyed by your own, comfortable lifes. You don’t give a fuck any more, about anyone. You’ve all snuggled deep into a state of self obession. You’ve all stumbled accross the soft truth of lies.
It’s as if you’d all forgotten what real life looked like, what caring felt like. It’s like you just somehow decided you were allowed to fuck up with other people’s lifes, as long as it kept yours occupied. I’ve made mistakes too, I shouldn’t be blaming you. But after these mistakes, as opposed to all of you selfish people, I realised I was hurting others. I realised that my lack of interest in your problems was causing your downfall. As opposed to all of you, after fucking up for a month, I stoped. I looked back on what I had done, achieved, through all of this hatred. And I stopped. I stopped hating, and lying, and hurting. I started caring again. I’m now listening to all of your selfish problems, to all of your bitching around, to all of your horrible thoughts about others. I’m watching you do the shit I have never managed to do, because I stopped before that.
And I can’t tell a word to you about that. Can I ? Because you’ll all say I’m pretentious, that I’ve done the same thing. So what gives me the right to blame you..? You people should seriously start realising what you are up to. You all know the finality to all of this; after hurting everyone, you too will end up hurt. You will end up 6 feet underground. And the worst part of all of that is that, yes. I’ll pick you up, and lift you back on your feet. As opposed to all of you, I’m not a pathetic selfless bitch.
And until this happens, I’ll just make myself small. I’ll just make myself disappear. Smaller, thinner. It’ll help me stop from reacting, I know it will. It’ll help me cope with your shit. I’ll welcome numbness in until I’m sure you’ve become harmless.
